Criminal Acts
To keep you fed in this grifter economy for zoomers and millennials and which crime to do
Intro
Before we start with this article, I want to point out that violent crime is pretty bad when it comes to sentencing. It really is indistinguishable from other types of crime after you do your parole or supervised release, but violent crime—outside of murder, first-degree murder—is pretty bad. You’re going to do up to maybe a few decades in prison, but not as bad as drug dealing.
So you can get over murder or get caught for murder and you can do less than a decade because of programs in state prison. It is rarely prosecuted under federal law; it’s usually state law. Because under federal law, um, you get up to 54 days off each year. However, if you get caught cooking meth, you’re going to do decades. If you get caught selling guns, you’re also going to do decades. I know a guy that... the maximum sentence was 10 years, but they could have gone higher uh, in the feds.
Most gun possession or felon in possession of a gun crimes—from what I remember in 2019, and I ran into many murderers and uh, gun traffickers—they do about 4 to 7 years depending on the extremity and, unfortunately, due to race. Chicago was loaded with gun traffickers and murderers that stay in Chicago MCC because they’re considered a danger to the public, as well as gang shot-callers.
Violent crime is considered violent crime, including extortion, armed robbery, and violent robbery like strong-arm robbery. They’re all considered violent crimes, and they’re actually worse than petty felonies. Not even ransomware is that bad. Um, you have to be a retard with no applicable skills—whether it be fraud, accounting fraud, money laundering, ransomware, or you know, credit card fraud or crypto fraud—to have to resort to violent crime.
Rebellion against the boomer extraction machine
So I woke up again to some very ignorant boomer bullshit—allegedly boomer bullshit. Um, let me light up my cigarette and let me talk to you about something. Okay, so what they’re saying is... what they’re saying is, um, that millennials and zoomers can’t buy a house because they’re eating $6 rotisserie chickens from Costco and Walmart. Well, actually, $6 is a little bit more than I expected, but they’re saying that instead of avocado toast, it’s because you eat your rotisserie chicken, which is horrifying.
Uh, back in, apparently, some whole year ago, they’re saying that Zoomers should be working for free and extra hard. That’s slavery. And as a form of rebellion, I’m going to show you how to steal a watch and make money off it, and how to steal a purse and make money out of it. More likely, the contents of the purse are actually more valuable than the purse itself, because purses are actually easy to counterfeit; watches are much harder to counterfeit.
Um, so my credentials: When I first got on probation, I was able to lie about my criminal record because it wasn’t entered into... it wasn’t entered into the Department of Public Safety of Nevada. So that means that no one, like a court runner from background checking services like HireRight, was able to find it yet. Uh, I didn’t show up on criminal records until, like, a whole year later in 2011.
Okay. So, what are my credentials besides that? I own a $280 original Ferrari apparel made by Puma—the original Puma Drift Cats that were very reminiscent of the fire-retardant shoes used by Formula One racers in red and white. It also came in yellow, and it came in black, uh, that were sold by Puma in the year, uh, late 2011 at Black Friday. So I actually got like an 80% discount before working there, so I collected all of them, and only one survived now, which I take very good care of.
I also worked at Michael Kors and Coach. Michael Kors is a fashion watch; they look nice, but they’re not expensive. Don’t steal Michael Kors. Um, however, Michael Kors does sell $8,000 to $12,000 Nile crocodile purses in the full-price store at The Palazzo, in The Venetian in Las Vegas, back in the year 2012.
My other credential: I used to work at Coach, and Coach was originally a men’s store before it became a women’s store in the 1960s using a model that created, originally, the shopping bag tote Coach. But before that, it was actually a menswear store—like wallets, belts, and knapsacks. And I know exactly how to spot a counterfeit Coach bag and a real one. All Coach bags have a special knitting pattern, like all handbag vendors, and they also have a placard, or a plate—a plaque—that guarantees a lifetime warranty. Without that plaque, I can tell that you do not have a lifetime warranty and you have a counterfeit, as well as the stitching inside. I caught at least two counterfeit Coaches.
And also Coach buys back those purses. The older they are, the more they appreciate in value than it takes to sell one, especially an original shopping bag Coach. God forbid you actually managed to get a men’s warranty one from like when it was first made. And also Coach used to be owned by the bread company, Sara Lee.
Um, I can tell you, I also used to own a counterfeit Breitling Bentley series watch, and the only thing that was spotted as a counterfeit was the watch face. Um, the watch face embossing for the wings and emblem of Breitling was not embossed. However, if you look at the rear watch case, it was almost indistinguishable because it was an original watch and was bought in Vietnam by one of my friends for only $500. But if this was legitimate—if someone was willing to change the face—I could have at least got $20,000 out of it. It was stolen from me by the United States Marshals Service of the Ninth District Court in Nevada.
Identifying watches
Moving right along, I had—check it—perfect. Perfect. Like having a counterfeit Breitling that was 99% Breitling parts outside of the watch face and the embossing. It was like the North Korean Supernote. Okay, it is a perfect counterfeit dollar that was almost indistinguishable.
However, that means that there are many obstacles in stealing jewelry, watches, and especially handbags and actually making money off of it. Okay? Because you could have caught a felony—from strong-arm robbery to armed robbery—just for... because if you snatch a purse, that’s snatching by force. And that’s automatically a mugging, and that’s a felony, strong-arm robbery. If you pull out a knife or a gun, that’s armed robbery, alright? And anything above the value of $300, including what’s inside the purse, is... petty larceny past $300, that’s a felony. So you could have caught at least, like, three felonies.
Now, there are certain brands, including some worth tens of millions of dollars, like Piaget. It’s very likely that no one actually runs around with an $30 million watch, but they might have it in their home. So if you were to follow that guy to his house, you could probably snatch one that’s in a watch case turner, because these things are using kinetic energy. They store kinetic energy in springs. Um, not all of them are skeleton watches where you can see the springs, and there are also fake skeleton watches.
But the point is that these watches turn... this is called a Tourbillon watch. It is an antique but very valuable feature where the springs, like my fake Bentley, are constantly coiling up, so it never needs a battery change. However, it’s slightly off by, like, 20 seconds every year. Now, that being given, almost nobody wears a fake Rolex—okay, a real Rolex starts in the high four figures to tens of thousands of dollars. So if you can spot someone wearing a Rolex in a fashion mall—a real fancy mall—you probably don’t even have to use force to rob them. You could probably just... if you don’t know how to pickpocket, these days it’s all about teamwork, okay? So you need someone to create a distraction and then do something if they have weird habits, like putting their hands behind their back. Um, you should be able to lift that watch off that person without using force, which dodges the felony except for the grand larceny charge. Well, because once you reach into the thousands and they catch you, you’re in grand larceny mode, which is definitely a worse felony.
Diamonds
Another thing: jewelry that contains diamonds. Just like, uh, counterfeit watches—for the safety of the person that actually owns a real watch somewhere in their house in a watch case, within a watch winder, to keep the tourbillon springs coiled—um, there are also fake diamonds that people wear.
Even if you manage to lift a fake diamond necklace... okay, so 14-karat gold plus... no, I forgot, 4-carat diamonds, by the way. Um, this is called a gemologist. So there’s actually a gemology certification, and if it was made from blood diamonds, there are actually certain ways that the minerals can form a crystalline shape and form cracks.
Um, so blood diamonds are not imperfect or worth less than a “real” diamond, but due to, um, you know, FinTech, uh, and financial constraints written by law in sanctions, blood diamonds are worth less than actual diamonds not made in war zones, like Sierra Leone, okay? So a blood diamond is only issued a few thousand to tens of thousands of dollars per 14-carat piece.
Um, but it’s not a fake diamond. Due to moral concerns, a gemologist is certified to actually determine the difference between blood diamonds and real diamonds because these diamonds create certain specific crystalline shapes um, that could be identified by a trained gemologist who must be certified as such. Um, I think there’s one called Ocean’s 8 and uh, uh, what was that Indian girl from The Office? Mindy Kaling. She played in it; she’s a gemologist, basically. And it’s very difficult—it takes a long time to become a gemologist. So, just FYI, you could have taken blood diamonds off somebody, so it’s worth less.
Racial discrimination and thefts
Another thing: I used to work with this guy, right? And, um, well, there were a lot of things that happened at Michael Kors. The main watch guy got arrested—wrongfully arrested—because one of our managers was a “Karen,” and she wrongfully suspected him (being Black) of stealing watch parts. Um, that was fucked up. He sued Michael Kors.
But I also had another coworker that ended up working at Rolex at the Caesars Forum Shops. And a bunch of masked men with guns actually robbed that specific store and managed to get away. I was like, “Wow,” because there’s so much security going into the Forum Shops from the parking garage. I was like, “Damn, they actually managed to get away.” Um, they stole hundreds of thousands of dollars in authentic Rolex watches.
Hit the right brand and items
I knew most people are, um, you know, new to the boosting game. Okay, I’ve seen people do prison time just for fucking boosting Nikes and not stealing the right shoes. There are ways you can fucking boost, okay? Besides a booster bag, which is actually a dumb fucking idea. Because the booster bag is basically a Faraday cage or, um, yeah, it’s basically a Faraday bag.
But people are not stealing the right things. First of all, identify the brand. Michael Kors is largely a fashion brand, and the more expensive luxury items they have, like the Nile crocodile bag—these are probably never sold. They usually put them at the highest, most unreachable place in the store, and they have a security guard.
Michael Kors is about the same tier as Guess and Fossil as far as fashion watches go, alright? Movado is like a lower-tier luxury brand, but I bought my Scuderia Ferrari chronograph, um, and it’s still powered by a battery, but it’s only worth about $300 to $400. That’s not luxury; that’s fashion.
You can easily tell a fashion brand versus a luxury brand like Piaget. So, like Michael Kors versus Piaget, okay? Hundreds of bucks to thousands of dollars, versus millions of dollars from Piaget. Okay, so fashion watches tend to have terms like “Jet Set”—alright, that’s a fashion term, not a luxury term. Jet Set. They might say things like “color blocking” fashion, and they might have certain watches that are skeleton watches and are also known as “boyfriend watches” because, um, if they’re marketing to women, it looks like they’re wearing their boyfriend’s watch if they are a specific size of the case.
Don’t hit those brands. Okay? I actually recall that after I quit Michael Kors in the North Outlets of Las Vegas, um, there was also a robbery of Michael Kors. Um, and I distinctly remember from my old manager how they got away. So there are back-door corridors in all these malls, and they actually hit the guy—and they didn’t take any items. What they did is they robbed the armored truck guy before he could get back to the armored truck and stole a shitload of cash.
Identifying fakes
Or, unless you have a really good eye for identifying a legitimate watch, like a Rolex... um, you’re not going to find out if it’s really legitimate until you have it inspected by a jeweler, because it takes a lot of skill to check a watch face for an authentic model.
But on the back, um, if you manage to get away with the watch, um, there are certain markings that you can use to determine if it’s fake. So, a Chinese fake watch versus a European import watch has a more “E”-like “E,” alright? While an authentic European stamp from an authentic European import watch has more of a moon-shaped “E”—and that’s the first thing.
Secondly, there are serial numbers, and they are registered watches, just like you register a car, alright? You could actually check to see if their watch is actually registered. All watches have a registration number, and it also can tell you what series of watches it is for an authentic brand.
Like, I’ve seen people running around with fake Breitlings all the time. For example, a Breitling is an aviation watch, and they never—I don’t think they ever made a skeleton watch until the early 2010s, which can only be seen at the Breitling store at... um, what is that casino north of... across the street from Spring Mountain? Um, they got replaced by the SLS, by the way. Oh, no, the Wynn. Yeah, it’s actually in the Wynn, the Breitling store.
Wrench attacks on crypto whales
Besides stealing, you can also do things like extortion. It is really hard to make any amount of money as a ransomware actor, especially if you’re working alone and you have to collect at gunpoint through fear. However, um, there are other ways that you can steal and get money in crypto.
Surprisingly, a lot of morons flex their balances um, on social media. And, um, in France, they have popularized an attack—although they’re actually not the ones that invented it, but they popularized an attack known as the $5 wrench attack. In a wrench attack, it’s physical extortion kidnappings—in France, where a guy, a crypto whale, is kidnapped and they extort the loved ones, and they’re particularly brutal, like cutting off fingers and stuff like that.